When you are against your body, your mind convinces itself that it is your enemy. You detach from it, and each day it becomes more strange and foreign to you. It is no wonder why self harm, disordered eating, and self-destructive tendencies come so easily - you feel as though you are merely a visitor in this body, that is not meant for you and that you do not belong in your own skin. Once your body becomes a stranger to you, it is easy for others to mistreat you & your body. Once you are convinced that you are not worthy of feeling beautiful, you will expect the same from others towards you. If you cannot accept yourself at each stage, and understand that you deserve health and happiness, manipulative people will prey on those insecurities, further separating yourself from your body. This disconnect lead me to dark places, and the self-inflicted pain was a culmination of feeling “less than” as well as a stranger in my own body. I felt as if every time I looked at myself, I was looking into some distorted circus mirror, trying to find myself inside the image other people held of me. It was only until I was at my lowest point that I was able to level with myself. It’s important to accept yourself physically, as well as mentally. Once you can learn to change the tone of those intrusive thoughts of self hatred & shame, you will start to see the ways you can and will accept yourself. Think of yourself as you would think of a lover - accept the small flaws you once scrutinized, and understand that this is what makes you who you are, and it makes you all the more lovable. Be kinder to yourself, and understand that your body is a vessel meant for more than just appearance. Your body has carried you through your entire life - it breathes
for you, it heals itself to keep you healthy, and it is beautifully unique, not just on the outside.
Antonia