Confusing Confidence

Confidence is often confused for a sort of physical self-love. When people speak about confidence, they are usually referring to their bodies or their appearance. However, the reason that so many feel they cannot attain confidence is because they believe it is centered around vanity. To have confidence in yourself can come from other places. Coming from someone that had struggled with issues surrounding my body, body shame, and disordered and harmful eating habits from as early as 11 years old, I was not able to comprehend what body confidence was. I did, however, have confidence in other aspects of myself: I loved how I was able to make others laugh. I enjoyed the way I was able to carry on conversations with just about anyone, and as I got older, I came to really appreciate my work ethic. These qualities only grew as I did, and eventually the imminent shame I held over my body had diminished. I no longer cared about feeding into those negative thoughts - instead, I allowed the qualities I found redeeming to flourish. I focused on what I could improve on, without guilting myself for not being better. Loving yourself requires being patient with yourself.

If you can pinpoint parts of yourself you don’t like - you can nitpick something you do like. Each day, remind yourself of something you appreciate about yourself - it does not always have to do with your body. You will notice that your internal conversation becomes more and more positive, and you can fall in love with yourself and your body.

Everyone deserves that.

Antonia

Internal Conversation Manifests into Habits

If you continually tell yourself you are deserving of less, you will ask for less of others and eventually yourself. To feel burdensome to your own self can cause you deny yourself of health – in all aspects. Hygiene, food and water, and exercise. my depressive episodes are marked by an unkept room, poor self-care and avoidance of self-awareness. When I am in a bad way, I don’t even care to look in the mirror. It is important to recognize these moments – and although that we have to “call ourselves out” in a sense, we cannot shame ourselves into a positive mindset. To practice self awareness is to also practice accountability, and empathy…when we understand that our actions can affect others, we will become more aware of our own internal thoughts and judgements about ourselves. If the root of that conversation is not coming from kindness, and acceptance, then we cannot truly share that with others.

Antonia

Let Love In

Love is like water - it ebbs and flows, it destroys, it renews, it cleanses and transforms. It is wondrous, and dangerous, and deep. To succumb to the love that exists in your life is to surrender to this ocean. Love can take form in the smallest of things: a sunset, a phone call, a book or a song. Love exists in every facet - but most of all, the love within you is the most important. Allow yourself to love yourself. And allow others to love you as well - they may speak a different love language than you. If you are guarded, this foreign language might scare you. And when you are unable to let love in, you will run from it by any means.

Think of a diamond - when light shines through it, the light it is translated and transformed into an array of color and pattern unlike another. We are each a diamond, and love is shone through us in different ways. Some people’s expression of love might look different than yours, but it doesn’t mean they feel it any less. Understanding what your love language is, and understanding where your guard is growing from is an important way to learn about yourself. And learning about yourself, appreciating your emotions and who you are is a high form of self love. Practice this self love, and you will always want to move with love.

Antonia